Pardon me, I just have to put down these random thoughts about my faith…

(It’s so hot now in my room. Shall I buy a new fan? Does it make any difference?)

Anyway, here’s a quote: “Yesterday’s moral outrage has a way of becoming today’s necessary evil and tomorrow’s common good.”

It does make sense. It’s getting harder and harder not to sin these days, because the surrounding just force us to sin. And I don’t even like to use the word ’sin’ today, because it sounds so horrible, like I’ve committed some mistakes that cannot be undone, which is not true theoretically (and theologically, through ablution you can fix it), so I’d rather use the word ‘mistake’. And by the way, I have never accepted the notion of ‘original sin’. It just doesn’t make sense.

My priest said one day that the Catholics in the USA are ‘cafetarian Catholics’ because they choose what they want to believe in, and discard others that are not so appealing to them. I guess I’m like them. But how can the church continue to force-feed us some teachings that do not make sense anymore? And how do we know that those are really what God wants?

One day, my mom and I share this thought: what if the entire Bible is just a book of analogy, and perhaps a historical script and a book of moral guidance? Given Jesus’ fondness of analogies, I think this is a reasonable thought. And what if this whole faith thing is not about searching a physical deity? Maybe it’s about reaching a state of peace of mind (because that’s what modern priests have told us today, that heaven is no longer a place, but a mental state) In a way, I love that idea. And especially after I read the book “Eat, Pray and Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert (who seek both worldly pleasure and divine transcendence -something I want, too), the idea of seeking a peaceful mental state and to find the divine deity that rests within us sounds very nice. And I’ve always known that in time of depression, I can’t never rely on others. Okay, so I talk to others, I listen to their solution, but in the end, it’s the overcoming of my OWN mental barrier that help me go through difficult time. It’s about listening to my inner self, and perhaps that’s the divine deity Gilbert has been talking about. I hope so.

But my mom and I were too scared to continue to deal with that notion. It’s just too foreign, and too profound. It changes our entire perception of our religion. And I don’t like how that idea doesn’t offer any explanation about the afterlife (so okay, who can possibly explain that?) I don’t want to accept the idea that after I die, it’s nothing, just a peace of mind, just a long, eternal slumber. Honestly, I’d rather have an Eden with angels floating around playing harps and an endless supply of wine (which is boring in my priest’s opinion). But if that idea is what my religion has been hiding and refusing to reveal it (because it’s too groundbreaking-earthshaking), then by all means, tell us, give us some hints, so that we may finally believe in the power of religions and not wrestling with them continuously, comparing it to science, blaming it for the sorrow of the world, cursing those who spread religions forcefully and insensitively (including many evangelists, in my opinion). And finally, let us have that little peace of mind.

Welcoming back my iPod

A small miracle happens to me today Well, actually you can’t even call it a miracle, since there’s nothing extraordinary about it. But still, it’s miraculous to me: my ancient, spoiled iPod shuffle actually works again!

After almost a year, I can’t figure out what is wrong with my iPod, everytime I plugged it into my laptop, iTunes just won’t detect it. Some forums on the internet gave me some idea that some bugs might have attacked my iPod. But I, never an expert in fixing computer problems, had no idea how to kill the bugs.

Then few days ago, I updated my iTunes (there’s a gap of about 4 versions between my old iTunes and my current iTunes). And today, I just plugged my iPod in again, in the smallest hope that the new iTunes might recognise it. AND IT DOES!!! Love you Steve Jobs!

Now I won’t have to live with the guilt of buying a new iPod and throwing away an iPod that can’t work anymore (okay, weird, isn’t it much easier to use a spoiled iPod as an excuse to buy a new one? But my somehow illogical mind doesn’t work that way) And I have fallen for the new iPod nano, although I can’t decide which colour is the best. My ambition is to buy one using my own money, once I start working next year. (yeah, unlimited wants, limited resources, or rather, non-existent resources since I haven’t even started working!!!)

I JUST SAW A LIZARD IN MY ROOM!!! I hope good luck is on its way to me.

Toys R Me

I am nineteen going on twenty, I am naive no more… (sung to the tune “Sixteen Going On Seventeen” by Rolf and Liesl)

I’m having a temporary Peter Pan’s syndrome, and I’m reminiscing the good ol’ time…Here’s a list of my favourite toys and games as a little girl.

1. Hide and Seek

My favourite game of all time. Played with dozens of friends on the playground in my primary school after school hours while we were waiting for our parents to fetch us home. My sisters and I used to play it in my grandparents’ house too, since it has lots of hidden spots.

2. Fishing!

You know those toys with rotating board with fishes jumping out and magnets in their mouths? You use the fishing rods which also have magnets as the bait to fish them out. I love this toy, but I’ve never owned the big one that I have always craved for. Sobs.

3. Hopscotch

Totally popular when I was in primary 2, 3 and 5. And we used to invent lots of new types of hopscotch.

4. Lego

Always my favourite, I had one with mermaid theme (but I have lost all pieces, ergh!) There was a castle, soldiers, mermaids (cute mermaids, later I used them as fish for cooking games, lol, I was such a sadist)

5. Rope skipping

The rope was made of rubber bands linked together. I have never had any rope due to my mom’s serious aversion to rubber bands.

6. Barbie

I have never got a barbie doll before! Sobs, but I love them still, and my sister now has three (neglected) barbie dolls.

7. Paper dolls

Came with different paper clothes and accessories that you cut and fit in to your dolls. I had almost a complete collection of Sailormoon paper dolls (complete with Mamoru Chiba, Luna and Artemis) which I eventually lost. Sobs.

8. Early Nintendo Mario Bros, Mappy, The Islander, and of course, Tetris

Miss them, here are some pictures of Mappy and The Islander, see if you recognize them.

Islander

Mappy

9. UNO

A great family game

10. The Sims

Not really a childhood game, since I started playing it only when I was in junior high school. But it deserves a place on this list.

Self-sufficiency for Eve’s descendants

Man says to God, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?”
God says, “So you would love her.”
“But God,” the man says, “why did you make her so dumb?”
God replies, “So she would love you.”

Over the years, I have heard again and again from different people, including those whom I thought I could respect, that women do not need to have high ambition or high education or in short, lots of money because all will be provided by their husbands. No matter how often I heard this kind of remarks, my blood boils.

Some guys today made similar remarks and I tried very hard not to retort because then, I would sound unintelligent (har har). Ok, so I was whining about university majors and future goals, and so perhaps I whined a little too much, but their remarks stung. So I told them that I need lots of money to shop  and I asked them, rhetorically, if they would be willing to provide the money (for their future wives). There are more implications of course aside from my materialist reasoning. I need to be free of my husband’s control, too and I have always somehow been reluctant to depend too much on people (so that others won’t depend too much on me, ergh, that sounds bad, what I mean is I respect a person who can fend for himself or herself more than those who are super dependent on others) And of course, I need the skills for ‘rainy days’ and I do not want to be a bored or boring wife.

Perhaps it’s my family that influences my view on this. The only man in my family is my father. And my mother has suffered from gender discrimination in her own family. And I’ve witnessed too many cases of discrimination in my big family which still largely adopts some unreasonable, archaic oriental traditions. But it does make me wonder, if I were to have a brother, will my parents treat us differently in terms of dealing with our dreams?

Oh, heck.

Anyway there’s a case of food theft on my floor. And the victim has pledged fervently to hunt the thief down and not to spare her once she caught the culprit. Ooh, scary. But how do you eliminate theft? Labelling your food as suggested by the hostel staff clearly won’t deter thieves. My solution is to provide small fridges for every room and of course, an air-con too for each room since it’s so hot and humid. (hahaha, dream on, dream on)

Some interesting stuffs

#1 There’s something caled High Heel Fitness Class & High Heel Walking Workshop

(according to TIME October 13, 2008)

I love high heels, although I don’t have many (and the few that I own won’t even fall under the high heel category). I’m planning to increase the height of my high heels though (step by step) since recently only either sky-high heels or totally flat flats are in, and given my height, flats are not very flattering. Anyway, it would be great if I can attend the High Heel Fitness Class & High Heel Walking Workshop, hehehe, learn some tips on how to survive longer on heels.

Speaking of high heels, I only knew recently that this type of heels below is nicknamed ‘mary-jane’. Add that to my endless wish list, especially the semi-boot type (but then it won’t be mary jane anymore?) 

Newbury 2 (white) from Guess by Marciano

#2 Shopping helps to release feelgood chemicals serotonin and dopamine

(according to the Wall Street Journal)

Isn’t that good? So I’m not a cuckoo for feeling euphoric everytime I shop, hahaha But anyway, shopping can be addictive, too, especially for someone like me who has poor money skills. Becky Bloomwood Syndrome. And experts actually suggest that you go to get professional help if you think you’re addicted to shopping.

#3 www.20q.net

(know this from Girlfriend [Australia] November 2008)

This is a cool website! You can play the game “Eye Spy” with the website, just that it’s the website that guess the object for you. And so far, I have two losses and two wins (losses if it can’t guess the object after throwing 20-30 questions, and wins if the website guess it correctly within 20 questions). Wins: the movie Grease and Barbie Doll. Losses: the House Bunny and Chuck Bass (I must agree that it’s extremely difficult to describe Chuck Bass, love ya Chuck <3 )

hy·poc·ri·sy

– a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude.

(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hypocrisy)