Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree

I used to love this song (“Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree”), a lot! When I haven’t really understood what the lyrics mean, I have loved the tunes. And when I learnt about the lyrics, I loved it even more. Plus, this manga I really love (“Lovely Mari-Chan” by Kimiko Uehara), had similar theme as the song. You know: patience, distance, homecoming, mistakes, forgiveness, second chance, yada yada yada. But then the Yellow Ribbon Project (about accepting ex-con back into the society) spoiled it all, don’t get me wrong, it is a totally cool project and it’s really appropriate for them to use this song. Just that, my bad habits, I don’t like my favorite songs being commercialised, because I’ll get bored of it and it loses its appeals.

So anyway, talking about forgiveness, I realise that sometimes it’s difficult for me to forgive others. Ok, so I told them I forgave them, but I remember what has happened ,like, forever. Like those girls who snatched away my swings when I was in kindergarten (I GOT THEM FIRST, I RAN ALL THE WAY FROM THE CLASSROOM JUST TO CLAIM THE SWINGS, but we are quite good friends now, haha). But then, I tried to forgive, you see. I just see it as something very funny now.

Now, let’s talk about second chance. Another bad habits of mine, although I try very hard not to believe in gossips before witnessing them myself or in first impressions, I’m easily swayed by them. And guess what, I might have been very mean to those who actually wanted to change and to have the second chance. Oh well, I hope I’ll change for the better.

This is a very personal post, sobs. Don’t use it against me (or I’ll remember you till my dying breath…OOPS).

Walking the plank

Supposedly I have to cross this deep, wide, deadly cliff, and I have this super narrow plank ahead, which creaks and sags when I step on it, will I ever cross the cliff? If I’m afraid of dying, I will never step on the plank. On the other hand, if I don’t mind giving up my life, in other words, if I have nothing to lose, I would have stepped on it and guess what, I will end up on the other side safely because I’ve tried my best.

Bottom line, I will never ever be able to kickstart if I have so much worries and fear of disappointment and high, perhaps unreasonably, expectation.

Thanks for the inspiration, friend

About disappointment

I watched the new Beverly Hills spin-off: 90210 today, yay! The show is quite good, not that good, but not that bad either. Pretty (and skinny) girls everywhere, and cute guys!! I especially like Ethan and Ty (although Ty is a bit too ‘pretty’ and ‘classic’ for my liking), and even Harry looks good lol!

Anyway, this post is not about 90210, but about disappointment. That’s something that I need to learn to deal with, because recently, I’ve been avoiding disappointment too much. It’s like, why should I try blowing out some bubbles when I can’t even hold them because they are going to burst anyway? With that, gone all the hopes, too. So I’ve got nothing left in my Pandora Box to fight all the misery.

Sorry for getting a bit, erm, analogical. But it’s true that I’m so afraid of disappointment, that I’ve been pursuing the safest path, although there’s no way to know whether that’s the right path for me. I’m really not comfortable with this side of mine, and worst, I don’t know how to fight it. I know it’s important to deal with disappointment, because I think I’ve missed out lots of things in life because of my hesitation in taking risks.

An emo post

I pity people who think they know me but in fact, they know only very little of me (yeah, I’m mean). But I take great pleasure in reavealing the other sides of me to people (HM!), but some people are just plain clueless har har!

Shucks, I’m emo-ing!!!

Let me attribute this to all the emo songs that I’ve been listening to these days. Some breakup songs:

1. Not A Day Goes By (by Lonestar)

2. Stay (Chris Sayzer)

3. Separate Lives (Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin)

And some songs that make you miss your parents:

1. My Little Girl (Tim McGraw)

2. In My Daughter’s Eyes (Martina McBride)

3. I Loved Her First (Heartland)

Growing Old T_T

As usual, I’m very good in thinking too much… Today I’ve been thinking about getting old lol

I’m rather worried about growing old and not being able to click with the young anymore T_T I’m also worried about my failing memories: I remember too much of embarassing moments in my life so what if one day I can’t control my brain anymore and I just babble away my embarassing secrets? And some people told me that as we grow old, we become our childish self again. That’s really a problem because I was really fierce when I was small, so who is going to befriend this old grandmother who is angry with the world???

Bottom line, I’m going to be a lonely grandmother in the future (NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!)

My life recently

Things have been going a little bit too smoothly these days and that worries me. It is as if I’m anticipating something to go terribly wrong anytime soon, which is bad, because prelim is coming (OH NOO!!!) But I deserve good things in life, don’t I, especially after going through a tough year last year! Have I gone so accustomed to troubles that the absence of troubles now actually gives me anxiety?

Plans in my life

Now that I’m graduating, I should put down what the possible paths for me are.

A: become an engineer (not very appealing to me right now, but oh well…)

B: become an accountant

C: take up finance and see what I can do with it

D: take up creative writing and write a novel

E: work with TIME (wildest dream)

F: become a psychiatrist

G: become a food critic

H: become a manga artist

I: take up International Relation as a major

J: take up Liberar Arts as a major and see what I can do with it

K: run back crying to my parents and ask for prospective husbands

L: enter a monastery for female priests and get a scholarship to Italy (I doubt they want female pastor)

M: become a teacher

N: become a tutor

O: just leave everything and go to Africa for community service

P: start a CD store

Q: register myself to sugardaddy.com

R: enter a quiz or reality show for quick cash

S: become a professional gamer

T: become a secretary

U: become a boutique assistant

V: become a professional blogger

W: become a yoga trainer

X: start an oldies paraphernalia store (sounds like a good one)

Y: become a bar singer (this used to be plan Z)

Z: get Oprah to listen to my pathetic life story and hopefully, somebody feels touched enough to help me

Ten great ways to aggravate your PMS

Clinically tested (experimental subject: bolstalova herself)

1. Finish one whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunks (400ml) in one day and self-destructively step on the weighing scale

2. Read the Bible or Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul or My Sister’s Keeper or just pick any inspiring stories

3. Watch La Vita e Bella or Premonition or Land Before Time (doesn’t work for me, work for my sister though)

4. Listen to How Can I Tell Her by Lobo, or He Ain’t Heavy He’s My Brother by The Hollies, or if you are a Christian, try The Old Rugged Cross and Sweet Lamb of God

5. Sleep away the depression (only to plunge back into depression after you wake up and find you haven’t finished that towering load of work)

6. Check your bank account balance (I guess this only applies to me)

7. Listen to somebody bitching about others

8. Cut some onions (you get the message)

9. Talk to another friend who is also PMS-ing

10. Reminisce your childhood while listening to Mother How Are You Today (May Wood) or I Love You Daddy (Ricardo & Friends)

Important lessons I learnt thus far

These are some important lessons I have picked up over the years

1. Thou shalt never ever mix Kellog’s cornflakes with Milo. You’ll end up emptying the whole bowl into dustbin or struggling to finish it like me.

2. Thou shalt never read others’ diaries, you’ll only discover things you don’t exactly want to know.

3. Thou shalt never step deliberately on banana peels. They are, in actual fact, really slippery.

4. Thou shalt never ignore what your parents said. Their words often turn out to be true (the fact that they will be constantly over two decades older than you, well…, they do know much more things than you)

5. Thou shalt never wish for something you don’t really want.

6. Thou shalt never attempt to defrost sausages using microwave.

7. Thou shalt never spread chain mails or spams. All you’ll get is curse from people, honestly.

8. Thou shalt never lie to your parents. They have told the same lies before.

9. Thou shalt never go to a fortune teller (especially one that is said to be reliable)

10. Thou shalt never attempt to cut through the impossibly tough meat or in seconds, either your plastic fork breaks or the meat crosses over to other people’s plates.

those stuffs sound like an embarassing confession, haha! Some of them are really personal experiences.

Things that stir up my very special memories

I have a very good memory of what happened in the past, complete with all the sensation and the graphic details. I seriously think I might get a serious case of forgetfulness when I grow older, coz my memory is stuffed with all these things in the past.

Boiled prawn reminds me of this terrible nightmare about my mom turning into a prawn queen ^^; I was having this tiring nap in my hot bedroom, and I remembered crawling under the cupboard to hide from the prawn queen. I was in primary 1 then.

Yo Te Amo (song by Chayane and F4) reminds me of a street to my tuition place in my hometown . I was in junior high school then. One day, I saw a full rainbow (that is, full half circle) at the end of the street. That was the first time I saw such a beautiful rainbow. The song also reminds me of quick dinner inside the white Honda sedan (KB 291) because my tuition started at 6pm.

Love of My Life (song by Queen) and Stay (song by Chris Cayzer) are both wonderful break-up songs, LOL! They remind me of my silliness and total lack of maturity then, and contrary to the past, they make me laugh now. (I know, how can I possibly laugh to Freddie’s heart-wrenching song!)

The smell of the Multipurpose Hall in my junior college reminds me of the smell of the impossible Physics paper.

Spaghetti reminds me of sleepovers at my childhood best friend’s house, about playing organ in her house and playing SimCity (the very first version) and Aladdin games on her computer, and the swing at her backyard, and her ballet dancer neighbour, and her car, and going to English tuition together. And of course, eating homemade spaghetti cooked by her mom.

A song album Car Stereo (with red cover picturing a red sedan) reminds me of this long road to a peaceful town 3-hour-drive from my hometown. It reminds me of the hilly roads to Bethesda (a leprosy treatment centre) and of a narrow road surrounded by sea. It reminds me of a porcelain pottery centre. And a long, long road with paddy fields on the sides. Aw, it’s making me sentimental now. Anyway, the album is always in my papa’s car dashboard and my mama pointed out to me and my sisters on how the songs in this album will make us cry when both my parents pass away in the future.

Quein Sera (song by Trio Los Panchos) reminds me of lazy holiday and waking up late on a quiet morning. It reminds me of my old house, and of my bolsta of course (tee-hee).

Every Morning (song by Sugar Ray) and Stay The Same (song by Joey McIntyre) remind me of a terribly fierce teacher and my first love <3 I was in primary 4 then.

I realise songs are very powerful in helping us reminiscing our past. I have a longer list to share, but I can’t remember now. One thing for sure, in the future, KFC’s Zinger and the Taiwanese Shihlin Chicken will be among things that remind me of the present