Boycotting the church

I’m a regular churchgoer. Fine, make that a yearlong churchgoer. But no, I won’t say I’m pious or devout or religious or anything close. I’m-just-a-sinner, just like any other Christian.

I’m boycotting the church again today. By that, I mean taking a break from that regular church visits. I did this once during the Easter this year, I didn’t attend the Easter Vigil. Laugh at me all you want, but I’ve been attending the Easter Vigil for more than ten years. Why then, the sudden boycott?

First of all, I’m tired. Not just physically (I had a bad week last week and exhausting friday and saturday), but mentally. I’m tired of the disappointment I get from the church. Don’t get me wrong, I’m perfectly OK with God, I’m never tired of Him. I realise that whatever it is that humans do, nothing is right. So the church, which is controlled and commercialised by humans, will never be able to deliver maximum spiritual satisfaction (pardon the commercialised term)

Secondly, I thought that by taking a break from religion, I might be able to rebuild my eroded faith. You see, I’m getting sick of chanting the same prayers again and again, I can recite all my requests to God (protect my family, grant the deceased eternal happiness, help me get good grades) automatically. It’s similar to blurting out swear words, you say it before you think about it, and you can’t exactly do away with it. Reciting Our Father since I learnt how to read is no chore at all, I can do it without thinking. Seriously, all I want is some serenity out of praying to God. I mean, you are supposed to communicate in prayer. I just can’t do it anymore.

Finally, church oh church, why don’t you cater to our spiritual needs? We each have specific needs and we don’t need all the standard advices universally repeated anywhere else. And for goodness’ sake, stop all the  splitting and formation of new churches and fighting among yourselves to get the most followers.

So no, I have never considered converting to other religions. For me, all other religions are just the same, they are construction by human. I just want some peacefulness.

(Anyway, there is this CHOICE weekend retreat I’m dying to go to, but my budget is rather tight now sobs)